Category: Amusing

The Curmudgeon Seeks A Safe Space In History: Part 2

When King Henry died, his successor King Richard I felt bad about the situation and sent orders to release Eleanor from supervision. Her custodians had already released her! I assume she was found sitting on a pile of gold next to the dead body of her jailer; possibly twirling a dagger between her fingers and drawing up plans for a Death Star. Empowered? How about Supervillian!

After a couple more daring escapes, kidnappings, and betrayals, Eleanor died. It was 1204. They chained the crypt shut to keep her from coming back from the dead with another plan to seize power.

Bwhahahaha! I’ll never be able to discuss Eleanor of Aquitaine again without chuckling over her ‘huge tracts of land’. Then there’s this gem:

Giving Lindsay Lohan a tiara and then turning her loose in a room filled with cocaine would cause fewer problems.

Source: The Curmudgeon Seeks A Safe Space In History: Part 2

Kurt Schlichter – It Is the Sacred Duty of All Conservatives to Own the Libs

Ambassador Haley (who we cons like) wonders, “I know that it’s fun and that it can feel good, but step back and think about what you’re accomplishing when you do this – are you persuading anyone?” Except this is not about persuasion anymore. The left has rejected reason in favor of hatred. Only pain will teach them, and if it doesn’t teach them at least it might deter them from messing with us. That’s why all 21st century conservatives have a duty to kick pinko booty.

Source: Kurt Schlichter – It Is the Sacred Duty of All Conservatives to Own the Libs

NASA confirms: In space, ‘reverse cowgirl’ and ‘doggystyle’ are the same thing

The same issue came up when the astronauts went with more exotic positions, such as “doggystyle” and “reverse cowgirl.”

“It was hard to decide what was going on. I mean, I got behind her, but we couldn’t decide which position we were trying.”

But is there video?

Source: NASA confirms: In space, ‘reverse cowgirl’ and ‘doggystyle’ are the same thing

The Not-So-Secrets of Success

“Don’t be a weirdo”

… here is a short (and by no means exhaustive) list of things that parents should warn their children to avoid:

  • Communism

  • Heroin

  • Pornography

  • Canada

  • Canadian pornography

  • Herpes

  • Feminists

  • Feminists with herpes

  • Facial piercing

  • Tattoos

  • Anyone with an anime character as their Internet avatar

  • “Sexting”

  • Internet dating apps

  • Syphilis

  • Conspiracy theories

  • “Charismatic” cult leaders

  • Gender Studies majors

  • Chlamydia

  • Rape

  • Al Gore

  • “Social justice”

  • Gonorrhea

  • Murder

  • Anyone who has ever worked at Disney or Nickelodeon

Source: The Not-So-Secrets of Success

A Marine’s M-107 Failed During A Firefight — So He Called Customer Service

The Barrett M-107 .50-caliber long-range rifle is a sniper’s weapon of choice. So when one Marine’s failed during a firefight, he called customer service.

Despite the unit’s lack of tools (and time), Cook knew exactly what to do. The armorer instructed the Marines to use the bottom of the carrier to bend the ears back down. Within 45 seconds, the weapon was firing properly. “Thank you very much,” Cook says they told him, then he heard a dial tone. They had a firefight to get back to.

Source: A Marine’s M-107 Failed During A Firefight — So He Called Customer Service