Questions nobody is asking…

One day in the 1970s, the officers of a Red Army reserve division in the backwaters of Siberia were summoned to hear a confidential presentation by a young major, who had come all the way from the General Staff in Moscow. What the major said astonished them. In Moscow’s view, the Soviet Union’s chief enemy was not the capitalist West, but the nominally-communist Chinese. War with China was inevitable. This war would be unlike that for which they had prepared in many ways: most important, the Chinese would have numerical superiority. The major showed charts of populations, troop strength, and other statistics making this point. As China grew more populous, it would grow stronger and more acquisitive. Fortunately, the major continued, there was a precedent for a numerically-inferior army defeating a larger enemy. He then presented a detailed analysis of Israeli performance in the 1948, 1956, 1967, and 1973 wars. By emulating Israeli tactics and dispositions, the Red Army could crush the Chinese. Future training would be along these lines. The major then asked if the reservists had any questions.
“Comrade Major, do we have enough Jews?”

The Curmudgeon Seeks A Safe Space In History: Part 2

When King Henry died, his successor King Richard I felt bad about the situation and sent orders to release Eleanor from supervision. Her custodians had already released her! I assume she was found sitting on a pile of gold next to the dead body of her jailer; possibly twirling a dagger between her fingers and drawing up plans for a Death Star. Empowered? How about Supervillian!

After a couple more daring escapes, kidnappings, and betrayals, Eleanor died. It was 1204. They chained the crypt shut to keep her from coming back from the dead with another plan to seize power.

Bwhahahaha! I’ll never be able to discuss Eleanor of Aquitaine again without chuckling over her ‘huge tracts of land’. Then there’s this gem:

Giving Lindsay Lohan a tiara and then turning her loose in a room filled with cocaine would cause fewer problems.

Source: The Curmudgeon Seeks A Safe Space In History: Part 2

Kurt Schlichter – It Is the Sacred Duty of All Conservatives to Own the Libs

Ambassador Haley (who we cons like) wonders, “I know that it’s fun and that it can feel good, but step back and think about what you’re accomplishing when you do this – are you persuading anyone?” Except this is not about persuasion anymore. The left has rejected reason in favor of hatred. Only pain will teach them, and if it doesn’t teach them at least it might deter them from messing with us. That’s why all 21st century conservatives have a duty to kick pinko booty.

Source: Kurt Schlichter – It Is the Sacred Duty of All Conservatives to Own the Libs

NASA confirms: In space, ‘reverse cowgirl’ and ‘doggystyle’ are the same thing

The same issue came up when the astronauts went with more exotic positions, such as “doggystyle” and “reverse cowgirl.”

“It was hard to decide what was going on. I mean, I got behind her, but we couldn’t decide which position we were trying.”

But is there video?

Source: NASA confirms: In space, ‘reverse cowgirl’ and ‘doggystyle’ are the same thing

The Not-So-Secrets of Success

“Don’t be a weirdo”

… here is a short (and by no means exhaustive) list of things that parents should warn their children to avoid:

  • Communism

  • Heroin

  • Pornography

  • Canada

  • Canadian pornography

  • Herpes

  • Feminists

  • Feminists with herpes

  • Facial piercing

  • Tattoos

  • Anyone with an anime character as their Internet avatar

  • “Sexting”

  • Internet dating apps

  • Syphilis

  • Conspiracy theories

  • “Charismatic” cult leaders

  • Gender Studies majors

  • Chlamydia

  • Rape

  • Al Gore

  • “Social justice”

  • Gonorrhea

  • Murder

  • Anyone who has ever worked at Disney or Nickelodeon

Source: The Not-So-Secrets of Success